Once again for me things are slowly moving, things firmly established (memories, attitudes, perceptions) are slowly shifting like tectonic plates - I'm watching land buckle in some areas and oceans expand in other regions. Some parts of my life are under immense pressure and are grinding, crunching and crumbling, rumpling up into little mountain ranges that will need to be surveyed and traversed. Other parts - intellectual, emotional, spiritual - are fanning out into three dimensions and yearning to be plunged and understood. It's this knowing that I don't yet know the dimensions of my self which is humbling and painful too.
When this happens I start to write - hi!
It's not something that will ever stop happening. Life turns. This is the wheel creaking back into motion again.
I guess learning to turn with grace is the most important lesson at this interval. Learning to accept and move forward, learning the right pace, the right direction, the most adroit footwork: and tangoing with your own troubles, looking deep into troubles eyes, holding troubles clammy hands and getting to know trouble intimately. Trouble is like a friend who doesn't want to dance at a party, they'd rather you stand with them on the side, shoulders hunched and arms crossed, whilst everybody else thrashes and jerks and yodels with an untamed vigour and frothy-mouthed thirst for life. Trouble will hold you back. My troubles have held me back and sat me down and been smarmy and cynical about people with popping veins and sweaty foreheads.
I want popping veins and a sweaty forehead.
I don't want to seem too buoyant, but right this moment I feel hopeful. I feel that by turning and changing just as seasons turn, just as the Earth turns, just as a whirling dervish turns, I will find what I need and see 360 degrees of my situation as I go.
When this happens I start to write - hi!
It's not something that will ever stop happening. Life turns. This is the wheel creaking back into motion again.
I guess learning to turn with grace is the most important lesson at this interval. Learning to accept and move forward, learning the right pace, the right direction, the most adroit footwork: and tangoing with your own troubles, looking deep into troubles eyes, holding troubles clammy hands and getting to know trouble intimately. Trouble is like a friend who doesn't want to dance at a party, they'd rather you stand with them on the side, shoulders hunched and arms crossed, whilst everybody else thrashes and jerks and yodels with an untamed vigour and frothy-mouthed thirst for life. Trouble will hold you back. My troubles have held me back and sat me down and been smarmy and cynical about people with popping veins and sweaty foreheads.
I want popping veins and a sweaty forehead.
I don't want to seem too buoyant, but right this moment I feel hopeful. I feel that by turning and changing just as seasons turn, just as the Earth turns, just as a whirling dervish turns, I will find what I need and see 360 degrees of my situation as I go.
Incorrect example of productive turning.
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