I keep trying to fill myself with people, and I end up empty.
I am insatiate when it comes to deepness.
Deepness is witnessing the submerged stuff inside humans like pain, love, hope, traumas and sexual desire. I want to share and know these things. Getting deep is different to being close. Being close is becoming nearer in proximity but maintaining protective boundaries, going deep is the next step - dissolving boundaries and somehow merging. Deepness is vulnerable.
Often people feel free to dissolve their boundaries with me, and then they pull me in. I curl up into their pain, their love, their hopes and traumas and I play with their sexual desires. I curl up and I soak it up like a foetus-shaped sponge and it grows me like placenta grows real foetuses. I learn how to be compassionate, gentle, objective, curious and empathic by going deep with people.
With the right people I can also melt my boundaries and offer my innards, but I never get enough of it. I feel hurt by people's satisfaction in a quick deep dip, because consummation is temporary and I want eternal union of some kind.
The dissatisfaction comes from my one year old heart who wanted more love and attention than what was offered. Loving my child heart relentlessly is the only way to try and get satisfied. Other people become disinterested or have other agendas, which is a simple truth and not a character flaw. I'm just scared that I will get lonely if I concentrate intently on loving the desperate little youngster in my chest.
I've got to get deep with myself. I thought I was deep... but I'm kind of tall which means there's a lot of space for storing deepness.
I am insatiate when it comes to deepness.
Deepness is witnessing the submerged stuff inside humans like pain, love, hope, traumas and sexual desire. I want to share and know these things. Getting deep is different to being close. Being close is becoming nearer in proximity but maintaining protective boundaries, going deep is the next step - dissolving boundaries and somehow merging. Deepness is vulnerable.
Often people feel free to dissolve their boundaries with me, and then they pull me in. I curl up into their pain, their love, their hopes and traumas and I play with their sexual desires. I curl up and I soak it up like a foetus-shaped sponge and it grows me like placenta grows real foetuses. I learn how to be compassionate, gentle, objective, curious and empathic by going deep with people.
With the right people I can also melt my boundaries and offer my innards, but I never get enough of it. I feel hurt by people's satisfaction in a quick deep dip, because consummation is temporary and I want eternal union of some kind.
The dissatisfaction comes from my one year old heart who wanted more love and attention than what was offered. Loving my child heart relentlessly is the only way to try and get satisfied. Other people become disinterested or have other agendas, which is a simple truth and not a character flaw. I'm just scared that I will get lonely if I concentrate intently on loving the desperate little youngster in my chest.
I've got to get deep with myself. I thought I was deep... but I'm kind of tall which means there's a lot of space for storing deepness.
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