Coming home

I can't really teach. It's not a case that the learner comes to know, it's that the knower meets what they already know, and it's a feeling of coming home.

I never excelled in maths, and it wasn't because I had ineffective teachers - it's because I have no aptitude with numbers. Failure in learning isn't a failed attempt at teaching, maybe there are more important things to learn in a particular situation than what's mandated in a syllabus. Perhaps it's more important for a particular person to learn that places of education can offer positive experiences and a sense of belonging before trying to master their times tables. Especially if the person doesn't belong or experience positivity in many places.

Also, you can't expect to change a person, you can only use your own actions as models of behaviour that are common to all humanity, and act with consistency and transparency and hope that students recognise your approach in their own selves. By this I mean that a flautist can't just give their fingers to a student, the student has her own and she has to realise them as mediators of music. 

The centre of my moil

This morning I will write about something that sometimes squeezes my heart into a tiny little knotted muscle of angst and sometimes floods my heart with grace. I am talking of course about that most beneficent of Austrailan organisations, Centrelink.

For many people the idea of receiving a benefit from the government evokes images of the unvacuumed carpets of community housing, debilitating illnesses and most often  flaccid work ethics.

I admit that there are unvacuumed carpets in my life, but they rest in that state because I am in a state of consistent activity. I work hard studying and really I am grateful that we live in a country that has any system of support for people who for whatever reason can't support themselves as well. I also feel indebted to use my life beyond study providing a service to our communities (and I am not very patriotic). I guess that's the bind they get you in: everyone else thinks you're a lazy slacker - so you better work doubly hard to prove your value later on.

Situational garb

If you're feeling a little choked by your situation, "wear it all like a loose garment", so they say...
Can't dance in tight pants.

Remembering exactly what you are

There are times when the task you have to complete seems too big for you to grapple, and you feel like you're being asked to carve the next David out of granite, underwater, with a toothpick. 

And maybe you feel really lonely as well, like you don't have a mentor through this ordeal and you're too caught up in trying to make the thing work that there isn't any time for you to stop and ask a friend for help. 

Well I don't have any nuggets of advice, except to say that sometimes I come up against these situations, and in hindsight it seems that a lot of the stress and fear is welded in the foundry of your own heart. 

I'm sorry... you're not an industrial work site, you are a human and your faults are human, remind yourself and remind anyone who expects something too far fetched from you. And love yourself.

Sometimes I think I'm too young to know so much and I expect to die soon

The people you love most will hurt you the most. Ask whether that pain, anger or sadness is the result of your own desire to possess. Realise that the sadness is the manifestation of your own ideas and let them all go. Forgive yourself.

If your negativity isn't the result of your own desires then let go of whoever hurts you so much. Forgive them and let it go.

Women and the never-ending walk

When women are appreciated primarily for a sexually appetising appearance, the rest of us are left feeling inadequate and wondering what real women do. There are conceptions that frame our understanding of gender: the femme fatale, woman as allegorical of a virtue, women as flighty and emotional, women as docile and concerned with commitment.

I'm sure I can create a similar list with masculinity, but my concern is with female experience because that's what I know. 

I accept that I don't fit into any of these limited boxes and that all people are different, but on occasion just the very existence of these stereotypes becomes so disturbing that they deserve my attention and concern. 

It's so sad that feminists need to justify their position against the notion that feminism equates to outrage and hunger for power. Equality has always been the benchmark ideal, and in that spirit men also should not be afraid to fight for the acceptance of multifarious masculinities, so few of the men I know are strong and emotionless. 

I don't think these stereotypes rule people’s lives but I know that in a way they shape our behaviour and attitudes.

Essentially, you know yourself best and you are the greatest spokesperson for your own rights. Don't walk unquestioning through the low-ceilinged fluorescent lighted regulation carpeted corridor of socialisation (a walk that lasts a lifetime).

The loss of phantasmal limbs in metacognative accidents

When difficult situations arise it's best to approach them holding your pain in both your hands (i.e. not shoving it in the laundry basket).

Acknowledging your inner pain cauterises you: you lose a little bit of something you loved, some history, some person, some part of yourself... but it's also a process of healing, becoming lighter and becoming able to move with greater freedom.